I have deleted the list

Keeping it was only making me mad.

I added Fostar last week after he told my boss he couldn’t get his job done because he was receiving no support. But putting Fostar on the list did not make me feel better. There is no justice. It’s just a list.

When I am losing an argument, I change the subject. When my way is blocked, I change course or change my mind about wanting to go that way. What I’m really trying to do is regain the control I feel I have lost.

The result is a good one, though. I am always satisfied. Someone bet me last week that I always get what I want. My answer was, “no, I just always want what I get.”

Sometimes the only thing you can control is yourself.

I am not sure which is more unpleasant: to lose control to another person or to lose control to a situation. For me, people seem easier to control or escape. Situations can be very tricky.

Of course you can run away from a situation, but you don’t have to be in a situation to still want to (and still try to) control it.

How many exes are obsessed with controlling the ones they left?

And running is just another way of controlling anyway, even if it’s simply controlling how much the situation really matters to you.

I am becoming convinced that the root sin we choose to cultivate has everything to do with what we feel is most out of control in our lives.

The list was an attempt to control my irritation at the futile yet continual employment I observe around me. But the frustration remains because I have no control over the root issue.

And keeping the list made things worse. Is that the list controlling me, or me not really wanting to escape the anger?

So, I deleted the list, and that puts me back in control, right? If nothing else, I am in control of what I do next.

Maybe I will just let it go.