Sometimes speaking into the void is all you can do

It’s always the thing that reminds you of yourself that you hate in someone else.

Two times in my life I have said to someone ‘we should not be friends anymore,’ and to be honest, I thought it was a logical thing to say at the time. I guess I thought you could break up with friends just as you would a lover. If you already know that the friendship is going to fade away through distance and time, why not set the expectation and mutually agree not to pretend or bother?

I don’t claim to understand friendship, nor do I claim to have ever been a real friend to anyone. At best I can say that there are people in my life with whom I can always pick up where we left off, no questions asked, no apologies necessary. And beyond that, there are people I see and chat to every day. Is any of that friendship? I have no idea.

Yesterday Nathon said he didn’t think we should be friends anymore. And because it reminds me of me, I hate him for saying it. Whether or not it’s logical; and even if he’s just kidding, testing me, or amusing himself is irrelevant now.

Sometimes lovers get back together after they break up. They say love can cover a multitude of sins. But what about friendship, can it ever recover?

Forgiveness, maybe; but reconciliation, I don’t know.