Ventilation

Friday, April 04, 2008

Sometimes speaking into the void is all you can do

It’s always the thing that reminds you of yourself that you hate in someone else.

Two times in my life I have said to someone ‘we should not be friends anymore,’ and to be honest, I thought it was a logical thing to say at the time. I guess I thought you could break up with friends just as you would a lover. If you already know that the friendship is going to fade away through distance and time, why not set the expectation and mutually agree not to pretend or bother?

I don’t claim to understand friendship, nor do I claim to have ever been a real friend to anyone. At best I can say that there are people in my life with whom I can always pick up where we left off, no questions asked, no apologies necessary. And beyond that, there are people I see and chat to every day. Is any of that friendship? I have no idea.

Yesterday Nathon said he didn’t think we should be friends anymore. And because it reminds me of me, I hate him for saying it. Whether or not it’s logical; and even if he’s just kidding, testing me, or amusing himself is irrelevant now.

Sometimes lovers get back together after they break up. They say love can cover a multitude of sins. But what about friendship, can it ever recover?

Forgiveness, maybe; but reconciliation, I don’t know.