Ventilation

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Words

Our ability to understand is always limited by our experience. For example, the only way I know what the word understand means is because its definition contains other words I know like grasp, realize, and comprehend. Learning is the process of associating things you know. But again, learning is just a word, and if your only experience is memorizing facts from a history book, then you don’t understand what I am talking about.

Pride and faith, greed and hope, lust and love; these are all just words, until you have experiences that give them meaning. Nathon would like for me to define the root sins and goods, but that’s difficult to do. I can think of words that I would associate together, but can you understand what I mean?

Let me test you.

What is your definition of conviction? To the arbitrary person it probably means to be accused and sentenced or to have great dedication. But to a Christian it means something different. Accused and sentenced, yes, but not with the same experiences giving those words their meaning.

Just like conviction, the roots are words that can only produce my intended meaning when they are revealed to you by the Holy Spirit. I can define them with words, and the association will be there for the learning, but the knowing must happen first.

In life, there are some things you that can only be opened to you by the Holy Spirit, and if you have no experience with Him, then I am afraid not only will my ideas be lost on you, but you will miss out on the true and amazing meaning of life.

I am going away for a few days, but I will be working on my definitions.

By the way, did you know that logical is an antonym for arbitrary? I learned something today.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Worst Root Sin

I am starting to think you can identify your own root sin simply by asking yourself which one is the worst. It’s like personality types; after you read the characteristics of your type, you always think yours is the worst one.

Today I was going to write about someone who I can nearly conclude is struggling with the root of lust, but it is very hard for me to say that because it just seems like the worst root sin to have. I keep leaving him unclassified because I can’t bring myself to pin lust onto anyone.

With pride and greed you can almost rationalize them as unfortunate outcomes of the events of your childhood. Children from poor homes might eventually struggle with greed. Children who are ridiculed might eventually struggle with pride. Please don’t get me wrong, though. I said you could “almost” rationalize them, not that sin has any excuse. But lust, it just seems like pure sin and the worst of all three by far. And that makes me wonder if it is really my own root issue.

Lust is the root sin I have spent the least time researching. I have never classified one person with this root issue. Maybe it hits so close to home that I am avoiding it. Maybe I can even extend this new possibility to explain my half-hearted attempts at overcoming pride. Or is that just me being too proud to address my pride issue? Oh dear, now we go in circles!

If you haven’t been able to identify your root issue yet, try classifying other people you know. It’s a lot easier. And let me know what you think about my theory that the worst root sin is your own.

And if you’ve never discovered your personality or temperament type, I think this one is the best. After you take it, don’t forget to read about your strengths and weaknesses.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Women Can't Be Friends

In case you haven't noticed, most of my analytical interests are men. It's not that women are not interesting to analyze. The problem is that you can't talk to women about their issues. In my experience, as soon as you take the relationship to that level, women seem to feel revealed, uncovered, maybe even judged, and it's a natural tendency is to hide.

So, there is a barrier that keeps most of my long term female relationships extremely superficial. And the intimate female relationships I do have, I find it interesting to note, are with women who are very confident and strong, more like men than women, if you can let that make sense to you.

Shirley and I have the best female relationship I have ever been in. It seems we both go out of our way to point out the negatives in each other, even to excess. Every time I see Shirley, I know she is going to ask me if I just didn't feel like getting ready that morning or remind me why she can't go running with me because my pace is too slow. It's just like the constant mockery you witness between two male friends, and it's like an open door to me that says, "it's okay to talk about our issues. No one is going to get weird about it."

That said, I don't actually spend a lot of time with Shirley. After all, I am a woman, and I can only take so much criticism. The nice thing about our relationship is that we can always pick up where we left off. No one is keeping track of whose turn it is to call the other or how one-sided the relationship is getting.

Perhaps it's the fact that a lot of women already have psychiatrists and don't need their friends digging into all their issues as well. Perhaps women have to work things out internally and are emotionally unable to disclose their struggles. And as always, I am willing to entertain the idea that maybe it's just me.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Elvis

Totally inappropriate codename, but one of my favorite subjects! Elvis is a good example someone who is aware he has issues, but rather than let his issues control him, he is controlling his issues. This is fascinating to me!

You can tell when he’s having a moment because he says a little bit of what he wants to say, but then he stops himself and says what he should instead. Because I don’t want to spoil it for him, I almost never acknowledge that I hear that first little tidbit. But I do hear it, and it is like watching two people, the man who wants to be and the man who is. Actually, it’s more like the man he could be and the man he chooses to be.

Elvis is one of the main reasons I needed the antitheses in the root cause theory. I haven’t yet settled on what his root sin is, but I had no way to explain his choices to go against his natural tendency and do or say the right thing. Clearly that was not rooted in sin.

Elvis is one of the only people I have witnessed practicing these choices. Surely this is the answer to digging out your root sin. You must simply choose its opposite.

Of course, the way this plays itself out in real life is in the realms of the symptoms, not the roots. You have to become very good at getting to the root so that you can choose the opposite of what seems natural. Remember, the fastest way to get to the root is to keep asking why, and choosing the opposite is not the same thing as telling yourself to stop.

Although he is one of my most over-analyzed subjects, I simply can’t stop analyzing Elvis. He added such an important concept to my theory, and he may be the only hope I have for finding the clue that makes sense of it all.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Dusten

He’s back.

I don’t know why he leaves or why he comes back. When we’re together he’s always uncomfortable.

Dusten once told me he feels like a glass of water that has a bunch of junk in it, but it’s all settled down at the bottom, forgotten. Then when he gets around me he feels like his glass has been all stirred up so that all that junk is swirling up at the top where it used to be peaceful.

Dusten is a clear example of someone who wants to be stirred. Even though he says he hates it when I dig into his issues, he wouldn’t come back if that were true. In fact, I rarely have to dig. He offers.

It would be easy for anyone to figure out that Dusten’s root sin is pride. He fits the classic definition: arrogant, selfish, and always right.

The thing that baffles me, though, is following him through his front door after work and seeing his kids go absolutely crazy over him. They adore him, and they can’t get into his arms fast enough.

I don’t think it’s just his own capacity for being childlike and fun that the kids love. Everyday Dusten comes to work with his son’s most prized and special toy. His son won’t let him leave home without it, whatever his favorite toy is that day. He wants his dad to have the one thing that is most special to him. It’s almost like the son feels protective over him or feels like he should take care of him.

Clearly Dusten has the capacity to love deeply. Other prideful people I know use this ability to recruit others into their own fan club. But Dusten reserves it strictly for his family, and I find that so curious.

I think the only reason we became friends is because I was the first co-worker to ignore his ego and pursue a healthy working relationship with him.

We’ll probably be talking about Dusten a lot for a while, since he’s back. I can tell he’s got something on his mind because he lingers longer than he should.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Nathon

About 2 years ago Nathon helped me out with my root cause theory by making the obvious point that not all things people do are, at their root, bad. That’s when we added in the antitheses. Before then I was only using pride, greed, and lust as the roots of everything people do. That was the original message I heard on that Sunday morning when I obviously took my notes on a bulletin and threw it away on accident.

Adding in the antitheses to what used to be just the root sins caused a problem in the theory because the roots were no longer roots. Now we had two sides of something that must be even deeper. I haven’t yet been able to conclude what that next step might be. I have some thoughts that I will share, but please understand that these are not part of my root cause theory yet. These are ideas in motion. I am hoping you will be able to help me identify their strengths and weaknesses.

Maybe it’s really about time and where you live your life. Do you live your life in the past (pride)? Do you live in the future (greed)? Or do you live in the present (lust)? To expand on that a little more…

People who live in the past are often comfortable. They don’t focus on daily growing their relationship with God because they feel like it’s sort of settled in a way. They are committed but they’re just in a constant state of sameness.

People who live in the future are always thinking of what’s next. They are never comfortable. They are always looking for ways to have more or go further. These people probably have a better chance of growing as a Christian over time just due to their nature.

People who live in the present are always distracted. They don’t know if they are comfortable or not because they would never stop to think about it. They don’t know what’s coming next, and they never think about what’s happened in the past. Therefore, they don’t learn from their mistakes.

These paragraphs are by no means a full dissertation on the daily walk, common pitfalls, and what have you of these three types of people. And again, the root cause theory was never intended to be a personality type assessment anyway.

I am just trying to identify (1) what is the root issue that rears itself sometimes as pride and sometimes as faith, and (2) what can manifest itself as greed, but can also look like hope in a spirit controlled person, and (3) what is it that drives us to love, and does that same thing drive us to lust if we’re not careful?

Nathon again helped me with the idea of the past, future, and present as a potential harness for the theory. We had a good discussion about how he’s never satisfied with how things are because he is always looking ahead. And I am reasonably positive that his root sin is greed. Thank you, Nathon, for letting me burden you with all my probing questions. I don’t just do it to pass the time.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Finding the Root

The root cause theory does not imply that everyone can be classified into three behavior categories or three personality types. Two people can struggle with the same root sin and exhibit it in very different ways.

For example, Mallory flirts with everybody. Her root sin is pride.

Dusten disregards everybody. His root sin is pride.

Two very different symptoms, one root issue.

So how do you work your way from the symptom to the root? Let’s use Mallory as an example.

Why does Mallory flirt with everybody? She likes the attention. But why does she need attention? She’s in a competition to be everyone’s favorite person. Why does she need to be singled out as their favorite? She wants to feel chosen, preferred. Why does she need to be chosen? It indulges her excessively high opinion of herself. Her root of pride is deep.

If you haven’t worked it all the way down to one of the three root issues, then you haven’t asked enough questions, or you’re not asking the right questions. If you try to just keep asking “why” you can probably get there.

By the way, I have changed my whole view on flirting, whether or not it is a sin in and of itself, after reading What Southern Women Know about Flirting. It’s not the most well written book in the world, but the fact that someone actually wrote that down and gave away all our secrets makes it worth a look.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Root Cause Analysis

Everything you do in life has a root cause. Nothing is arbitrary. There are basically three roots that "cause" everything you do. In fact, most people struggle with one in particular for their whole life. The pattern is already there, you just have to realize it.

The root sins are PRIDE, GREED, and LUST.

The root goods are FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE.

And in fact, these should be paired up as PRIDE/FAITH, GREED/HOPE, and LUST/LOVE. Each pair has the root sin and its antithesis.

You will get a War and Peace on this later, I assure you. But I just wanted to introduce you to the theory today so that I can use it right away and you'll have a rough idea what I am talking about.

This is not my theory. I can't remember who told me about it, though. I have looked through all my old journals trying to find the notes I took that Sunday morning, but I can't find anything.

Root cause analysis is really the only tool you need as a closet psychiatrist. You can understand and bear with people so much easier when you realize what's driving them, and even more when you realize why it's driving them.

Every action has a root cause that can be identified. Let the search begin!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Mallory

A classic case in many ways, although she'd die at the thought she's that easy. She thinks she's complex, but I understood her the moment I tried.

Hi, I'm Amy, and I'm a closet psychiatrist. I can't NOT analyze everything that goes on around me, and I especially enjoy analyzing the people in my life. I want to know every person in a way they have never been known before. I want to ask the unexpected question, give the unexpected reply, make a moment out of everything. I think everyone ought to look at themselves and try to understand why they are the way they are. Why would anyone NOT want to understand himself? Even if they don't want to understand, if I meet them I must "know" them, and they are bound to get caught in the cross wind.

Mallory is the classic case of a girl who blossomed late in life. She never had the chance to do something stupid and blame it on being a kid. Everything she has done, she has allowed. And that makes for a hard night's sleep. I don't know how to get her to grips with herself. Probably because I can't get myself to grips with her.

She is an interesting subject who we will spend a lot of time getting to know. Don't worry, her name's not really Mallory. All the names in this blog will be changed by my secret encoding scheme. See if you can crack the code. Maybe it's you I am talking about :)

Monday, June 20, 2005

Blog Virgin

Although I have heard of blogs, I have never thought of one as a real outlet for all the things that run through my head. But perhaps...